Options of the Lost
by Jam Striped Panda
Summary: Prequel to Bottle Up My Chain. AU. Beyond Birthday had been a Shinigami with an obsession of a human; so he became a human. However, he remembered nothing. DISCONTINUED.
1. Visions

**disclaimer; **I don't own anything but the idea for the god damned fanfiction.

**Title; **Options of the Lost

**Summary; **Prequel to Bottle Up My Chain. AU. Beyond Birthday had been a Shinigami with an obsession of a human; so he became a human. However, he remembered nothing.

**Pairings; **Eh, not much really. Just hints of 'em for now. -shot-

* * *

The rustle of old, battered pages forced my eyes to open as I glanced about my almost bare surroundings- bare but for the ancient and new books surrounding me. Snorting with slight bemusement I padded through the maze of text while pulling out a blue notebook and pen, perching on a jutting piece of rock I wrote down small observations as I peered down into the human world through a large spherical rock.

Growing bored I placed the notebook back amongst the text for later use, and made way towards the portal that led to the human world. I licked my lips slowly in thought; first I would grab myself some jam, then I would find a decent human to kill. Yes, that sounded like a very good plan for now.

I looked down from the ledge to the brilliant light that shot up from the whole in the ground, my skeletal wings unfurling from my back in routine as I plunged down into the light. It wasn't exactly a strange experience to move from world to world, more like a tiny tingling along one's skin- but this could be just for me, being used to this.

Glancing around me I could determine I was in the area that humans call 'London', why they felt the need to name everything, I assume it is so they do not get locations confused. A prickling danced across my skin as I walked through the wall of a store, heading straight for the jam.

"Jam, jam... Grape? No. Raspberry? No. Where do these humans keep the strawberry jam? Ah there it is!" I muttered to myself, reaching out when none of them were looking to collect twelve jars of the delicious jam before flying off with my loot.

The sky was just graying with morning as I began to devour the fifth jar of jam, licking my lips as I let it plummet to the earth below. Quickly I decided to store the remaining jars somewhere safe to pick up back on my way to the Shinigami realm. That would be much more convenient than wasting the jam in one sitting, so I went ahead with that plan.

Boredom was pressing so I dropped down into an old looking building, that turned out to be an orphanage. My eyes fixed on the woman preaching the infantile homeless humans about their false 'God'. God? No such thing existed, all things had to die in the end, we Shinigami made sure to that.

I looked above her head for her name, _Maria Marching_, and pulled out a single black notebook with runes from my world across the top. Maria Marching's name was written in the death note with no details, unlike the other names written there. I believed dieing mysteriously of a heart attack whilst speaking of 'God' was hint enough that he did not exist.

"Henh henh henh henh henh..." My laughter trailed off when I felt like someone was staring at me.

I found that a two year old human was staring in my direction, exactly where I would be standing if I were human. The strange thing was, that this human looked like I would if I were a young human- no it was like a miniature me. Messy black hair was hanging about with no real purpose over wide, black rimmed black eyes while the child chewed on the very tip of his thumb. I glanced at the child's name, and frowned slightly when I could not yet read the name- meaning the child had yet to be given a proper name. How sad, since he was a fairly smart looking child- no not looking, I could just tell he was smarter than the rest of the frolicking human.

Slowly a ripped a tiny piece of paper from my death note, not large enough to be anything, and touched the child with it. His black rimmed eyes widened in shock at the sight of someone that looked like an older him out of nowhere, and my grin widened as I took flight right through the orphan ceiling. I don't know what spurred me to let the child see me, but it was worth it just to see his reaction.

I was musing while I collected the stored jars of jam, and headed back to the Shinigami Realm.

-

Three years had passed and I watched as the child's progress increased rapidly, he was high above even the older orphans. The new woman who was watching them now thought him a demon's child because of his alarming intelligence, not some god-blessed child. This was probably because he had once mentioned that he had seen an older him when he decided to speak, and they thought him to be crazy.

Today was different though, much different than the other days I watched the child. I had officially watched him for two years- and that was strange, even for myself. I usually did not watch a human for that long, or go to the human world to be there person to watch that human and not have killed the mortal. Today and elder man had come to watch the children's progress and adopt one of them.

From what I could see the man's name was Quillish Whammy, and still had a while to go for an elder-looking human. He was a very nice gentleman that was well off, and a good person for adoption. I watched the day's events and smiled softly as it began to snow in their world, snow was nice- sometimes I even wished it would snow in the Shinigami Realm.

_"Are you sure? He's a demon child."_

I turned my attention back to the orphanage, where it was evident this Quillish Whammy was adopting the object of my obsession. That wasn't what had made me fall back in surprise, it was that the child's name became clear and his lifespan increased slightly.

"What?" I mumbled unsure of what I had seen and looked back to the child. I had seen correctly, there, floating above his head was a name and a lifespan that had increased immensely. That made little sense, but I didn't pay much heed to that. It was the name of the child I was interested in, not how long he had to live.

_L Lawliet._

L Lawliet, huh? It was a nice name- a nice name, indeed for the human child I revealed myself to. I watched as Quillish Whammy brought L to the car, and drove away from the orphanage.

"You take good care of L Lawliet for now, Quillish Whammy. Wait a while, I have much to think about," I told the human, who could not hear me, but I hoped for some reason to have felt the need to protect L as I had.

I opened up a jar of jam as I proceeded to move through the texts that were stacked around me, within my cave. I swallowed globs of the sticky sweet at I decided on my plan, but it would only be if I had the agreement of a certain someone.

-

"My mirror twin, what brings you here?" The nondescript voice of the Shinigami King asked me, but he already knew what I wanted.

"You already know, but I wish to become a human that will have a chance of meeting L," I said, irritation flitting through my tone.

"Yes, that obsession of yours. I knew it would come to this so I have already located the perfect human who's body you can take. And guess what? His name is Beyond Birthday, just like you. So you don't have to worry about that; and don't worry about anything changing with the personality, well, you'll find out, go now! Quick, I already have my personal portal set to the location," the King said, clearly delighted on helping my cause. Why? I did not know, he always seemed to be willing to give me whatever I wanted.

"Thank you," I muttered after heading towards the portal, and diving down into it. A brilliant white light once more engulfed me, and I plummeted towards the human whose body would be mine. Easily I could tell the body was a year younger than L, that I would look the same as I did now eventually, and that I would remember nothing but essential knowledge about earth. I would only remember things I knew about the human world, which I found strange, but discard easily.

Next thing I knew, I was waking up to the white walls of a hospital. And that I had a splitting pain in my head. It hurt terribly and caused me to shudder.

An older man's voice was the first thing I heard, "He woke up! My son!"

* * *

**a/n; **First chapter of the prequel. :D I added some nice twists, you see. The one where L had already come into contact with a death note. :D Well I can't type much here because this was finished before school, so I hope you enjoy.

Ja ne! R & R please and thank you!


	2. Change

**disclaimer;** I don't own anything but the idea for the fanfiction, 'kay?

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes, then sharply closed them as all the white coloring made my head spin, "Ugh..." I remembered absolutely nothing but, facts, words, numbers, mathematics, history? These were all things I knew I hadn't known before, so why did I know them now? _Hell _I didn't even know who I was before waking today! Just things I figured other people knew from education or something nondescript like that, was fixed within my mind.

Names?

_Name?_

What was _my_ name!?

For someone reason this was very important so I ignored what that person had said- said to fully awaken me from a content sleep except for the pain. So what was my name? Names...? I needed names, names, names, which one fit? Which was mine, which was mine? The head trauma returned full force this time but it seemed familiar- like I'd experienced it before, but-

**Beyond Birthday--**

The pain died down the second the I saw the words that had floated inside of mind, was it normal for people to see words clearly within their mind? I didn't know, because there were some things I didn't know. Right now; I would learn those soon enough. The name... That name... _Beyond Birthday_, had it been? That was my name, I was Beyond Birthday is who I am. At least I had an identity, it is always important to have something to call yourself. However, I just knew this was my real, original name.

When an older man's cries of, "My son! My son! He woke up, I know it!" Flooded my senses, I groaned and stirred, finally opening my eyes without the white walls spinning around me. "See!? I told you, his eyes are open! He woke up!" The same voice came from a very well-kept black-haired individual, who was smiling proudly in my direction.

I stared at him blankly before asking, "Who are you?"

His look is horrified and he turns to a man in a white coat ('the doctor' some other sense supplied sarcastically, as if mocking the fact that I couldn't completely orient myself). "Don't worry, Mr. Birthday, it is simply amnesia from the blow to the head, it should wear off eventually, and even if it doesn't his feelings towards people he had previously met will be the same," Dr. Carp informed in a professional manner. I decided I did not like the man at all and set a furious glare, wishing this Dr. Carp would just drop of a heart attack ('irony' the same other sense mocked). Then I stopped as I saw what was floating above his head- why hadn't I noticed that before?

_Calvin Carp_

I simply stared, what? Carp was his last name, so did that mean Calvin was Dr. Carp's real name? How strange! Could I see his real name? Did that I mean I could see anyone's real name? My eyes swiveled over to the man who had called me his son (I didn't know if I could call him 'father' yet). There indeed, was a name and the long stream of numbers.

_Lucas Birthday_

What I didn't know was what the numbers meant, why didn't I know that? Why did it not seem like ordinary numbers, why? For some reason, not knowing it frustrated me because I felt like I should know and I didn't know why. So frustrating, but this Lucas Birthday chose to speak, "Beyond, son, I'm your father, don't you remember?"

I blinked, "No."

Lucas Birthday gasped, and looked about to start when Dr. Carp calmly lead the raging man out of the door so only Dr. Carp and I were in the room. "O-kay, Beyond, I'm just going to ask you some question. I'm Dr. Carp, and I'm going to see what things you remember that most children know, alright?" He split up the syllables for each word, and this annoyed me greatly, but I made no move to show it.

"Yes," I answered, keeping my tone in a child's monotone which must have spooked Dr. Carp a tad because he glanced at me uncertainly.

"Alright, please repeat the alphabet for me," the doctor asked.

My lip twitched faintly, why was he throwing an easy question out at me? Oh wait- wasn't I only four? Then why did the doctor regard me as if I were an unstable adult...? Musing over this for about a second I answered dully, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z."

He scribbled something down on his notepad and asked me his next question, "How do you spell your name, Beyond Birthday?"

"B-E-Y-O-N-D B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y." Every time I answered a question he'd scribble down on his notepad.

"What is five times five?"

"25."

"Name three Olympus Gods."

"Hades, Poseidon, Zeus."

"7x-120?"

"x3."

"1 3 + 1 3?"

"BB."

"13:11?"

"Midkine."

"1 4 + 5 + 1 + 1 8?"

"Near."

"H2O?"

"Water."

"Element lighter than oxygen?"

"Helium."

"What is the meaning of panoply?"

"A splendid or impressive array."

Questions like these when about for an hour and I just wanted to see this Calvin Carp rotting in the jaws of cannibals that second. I slowly began bored with the questions he asked me; I already know the answers, and finally he gives a breath of awe and stares at me in disbelief. "Well, I'm sure your family will be pleased," he muttered sarcastically, shaking his head as he collected his things and walked out of the door.

I was baffled, was I not like this before? Who was the four year-old that lived in this body be for this Beyond Birthday, me came along? Was I completely different than I was before? I did not know, and I don't think I would ever know to the truth who I was before I had forgotten. And learned things I supposedly couldn't possibly have learned before.

Well. They would just have to live with _this_ Beyond Birthday instead.

-

"Beyond, son, this woman is your soon-to-be stepmother, Mrs. Lilac Leaf. Lilac, this is my son, Beyond Birthday," the man- no, my father introduced me as I entered the backseat of the car to be taken home.

"Hello, BB! It's nice to meet you, I'm Lilac, I hope we'll get along well," she said, overly false cheerfulness effectively pissing me off, so I refused to speak with her anymore than the occasional 'yes', or 'no'.

When we got to the- our house I was guided to my room and told to go to sleep. Uh, what? Well turns out as soon as I hit the pillows I was down like a rock, this small fact irked me.

Did I dream peaceful dreams? Did I dream of sweet things children fantasize over all the time? No. I had a nightmare, a horrible one too.

_I was walking... alone, no one near, I could even hear my breathing echoing throughout the space. Wherever I was it was freezing- cold enough that I could see my breath and my teeth were chattering with a steady rhythm. Suddenly panic overwhelmed me as I felt a presence come nearer, an overpowering presence and a tried to run but found nothing around me changed. Was I stuck in this dull, bland gray world?_

_**You...**_

_I froze. Something had spoken to me, but why? Why would anything be here that I couldn't see, could something be here that was not seen? Thoughts buzzed about but none seemed to have any logical path. Wait, 'you'? As in, 'me'?_

_**Will...**_

_I will what? What will I do- I wanted to know so bad, what was this dark presence telling me._

_**Find him...**_

_Find 'him'? Who was him? Did I know him? Where, when, why how? Most importantly who was 'him'?_

_**L Lawliet...**_

_Then there was laughter, a haunting chill chorus of the same monotone laugh._

I woke up in cold sweat, shuddering and looking wide-eyed around the room. It was hardly a scary nightmare, it was just... It had seemed so familiar that it had freaked me out. It was the barren landscape that had surrounded me, the thought of something that humans could not see that horrified me in more ways than one.

Then, more importantly, who was this 'L Lawliet'?

* * *

**a/n; **Heh... Heh... BB's dad's initials are 'LB'. -gigglefit- And he's marrying a woman with the initials are 'LL' and will be changed to 'LB' as well... -goes into hysterics-

Uhm, now that that's over with I really don't have much to add. So that's that, I guess. Some questions I will not answer, 'cause there being planned to be explained, okays? Okay.

BB; So how did my original mother die?

Jam; ...

BB; Jam... -threatens-

Jam; ... Childbirth.

BB; What? Why that, of all things?

Jam; ... You are an unlucky child?

BB; -glare-

Jam; So if you don't hear from me ever again... BB killed me. :D

Ja ne! R & R please and thank you!


	3. Pain

**disclaimer; **I don't own anything in this fic but the ideas and a few OCs... and ideas... yeah... I think...

* * *

_Take away this from that and you have this. But take away that from this you have two. However two from this is that, and that from two is this. What is the real answer?_

_"...pi?"_

-

"Hello, Beyond Birthday, my name is Mrs. Ma'am, and I am your tutor," the woman who had come soon after my parents had left for work. I titled my heads toward Dr. Carp, confusion spelling out on my features. I was smart, and he knew that, why would I need a _tutor_?

"Don't worry, Beyond, Mrs. Ma'am is not a regular tutor, just like I'm an not the doctor that was to originally look into the reason you collapsed," he began, "I believe it would be safe to tell you who I work for- I work for an underground portion of a... certain government organization looking for talented children, or "special" children with unusual circumstances or... 'powers'. I told your father you would eventually remember, but I lied; you are a completely different person from who you were then. Meaning you will never be what you were before; wild as that may seem. So, Mrs. Ma'am here is to teach you how to fit in with society, see what the extent of your knowledge is, and brief you on new discoveries you may not know of, is that well enough, Beyond?"

It was hard to believe... but hey, when that was the only logical explanation (other than everyone in the world was batshit insane), you had to believe... right? Slowly I nodded, and Dr. Carp smiles wildly and exists the room drawing a cellphone from his pocket.

The only thing I catch is; "-tari? Yeah its me..." Before Mrs. Ma'am drew my attention back to her as she handed me a pamphlet containing trigonometry, and Mrs. Ma'am made a point that I couldn't use a calculator or the like. **(1)**

Damn it.

-

I - being a child - was curious when my father's numbers were almost gone. So I did the cute puppy dog look any child is capable of projecting at a parental (or older) figure to get what they want. I got to accompany my father to work today, which meant I would have a higher chance of seeing what the numbers in the two digit place value meant. The addition to my being able to go was that it was Father-Son Day at his work, so it was fine for me to go with him without some strange excuse having to be made.

I would like to take a moment and thank whatever deity thought to create such Parent-Child Days.

I stayed in my father's little cubicle... _thing_. I watched and waited, and eventually became frustrated when the number left was a simple one-digit number and wavering slightly. Nothing else was happening though, was it just a dysfunction of my brain? No it couldn't be. These things don't happen just to anyone, besides the name was always correct, so what was up with the numbers!?

About to make my frustration known the door slammed open and a _ka-chink_ sound went off as a gun was pointed at the receptionist, a masked burglar demanding money.

I observed the man holding the gun from the hiding place my father had shoved me; I could see just about everything going on but no one could see me except this one lady who worked in the same cubicle. Women were hiding under their desks, and men were frozen like deer in a busy highway. The man's face was covered in a ski mask but the rest of him just screamed 'PEDOPHILE!!' ... With those exclamation points, of course. Who else would choose to rob a building when helpless children that could crawl all over were involved? Well if you thought about it- WHOA! Wait, what are you doing-!?

My dad held his arms calmly forward and spoke in a soothing tone, "Now, Now, you do not want to do this. You'll regr-"

He never got to finish the sentence because he was hit through the eye, dieing in an instant from destruction of brain tissue; the second his numbers ran out.

Everything just clicked as I saw my father's limp corpse lying over his desk, blood running in little rivers from his wound. Those numbers were people's lifespans! I was seeing their _deaths_. If I told people... I would be locked up for sure; I couldn't have that. So as the police arrived and arrested the man, I climbed out of my hiding place.

Silently; I swore I would never tell another soul about these eyes.

-

The funeral for father had been a shot of depressing and now I sat numbly on the sofa with a bright and sunny Friday left. I was still ridged with fear of what I knew, and I also wondered, why couldn't I see my own lifespan? Was that something not determined? No- No- Everyone already had a predetermined time of death, but they could die anyway. The only problem was I didn't know when I was going to die... What good were eyes like this if you couldn't see your own death? More importantly what was that-

"You... li'lshhhiiittsss! Caussse ofjoo- y- you- Lucasss dieeddd!" An obviously intoxicated voice said from behind, snapping me from my thoughts. I found myself staring at the woman that was my step mom. I looked wide-eyed at her drunken form before trying to shrink away. Something in me screamed to get the hell away from the intoxicated woman.

I reacted a little too late.

"Joo ittlesheet! Tryinnnn to geta' way no a'r jo? Idundinkssssoooo," she hissed as she grabbed onto my arm (I only being a seven year old child had not the physic to escape a situation like this), and dragged manicured nails down my arm. I let out low whimpers as she tightened her grip on my arms, and literally threw me down into the wooden couch leg. I let out a sharp cry of pain as my vision became black around the edges, and tried to kick away from the woman.

"Hahahahaha...! ittle'oy not'ttin 'way sooonnnn... pe'ple c'here to kic'o'ittle assss..." She slurred gesturing to a rather strong looking man that had just entered the house. The man pulled Lilac into a sickening kiss that looked like they were eating each other, and turned towards me. Panic surged through my body as he looked my frail body up and down.

"Wow I like this boy; let's keep him as a pet, alright darling?" He asked Lilac sweetly, as I tried to sink further into the floor but found this impossible. Lilac nodded whole-heartedly in her drunken state, this prompted the man further, "But before he becomes our pet... our... kitten, he must be tamed, right darling?"

"Uh-yep, shyeah, so what're'ya do to 'im?" Her speech was becoming less impared as she spoke with this strange man, who had backed me into a corner. His lips were against mine now and I thrashed about not liking the unwanted contact. The man was displeased by this and whacked me across the face, drawing blood I knew.

"You little shit! You won't be able to think about anything but the pain when I'm through making you into our kitten!"

* * *

**(1) **Some idiot little ass in Algebra 1 asked what doing Trig without a calculator is like, so our teacher made us work it out by hand. A pain in the ass it is! :K

**a/n; **I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've had school and lack of sleep and food and stuff has made it hard to get a schedule together that I could work on this kind of stuff! But now I have worked out a schedule so that I now have at least an hour for fanfiction a day.

The 'real answer' shocking stuff I tell you... is 42. How? I dunno. I didn't understand what Mrs. V was going on about about the explanation of the answer. It did not make sense to my simple non-mathematical mind. At least, I think I didn't understand. -.-"

Those of you who thought BB killed me... he didn't, thank goodness. :D

BB: I should have.

Jam: Well it wouldn't have been nice and my lovely reviewers would've come after you. ... Right?

BB: Low self-esteem much?

Jam: Yeah... So?

L & Kira: When do we come into this fic? I'm tired of OCs!

BB: ... Jam... you said your school basement is a torture chamber, right?

Jam: Uh-huh, why?

BB: -locks Kira in Jam's HS basement- There.

Jam: Am I missing something...? Oh. That. Okay. I get it. Hiya L!

L: Hello. So when do I come into this story?

Jam & BB: ... Eventually?

Jam: Possibly the next two chapters. Enough of this already!

Bye Bye! R & R please and thank you!


	4. NOTE

**This is an AUTHOR'S NOTE. Not a chapter. Sorry.**

I can't go on with this anymore. While I may have said on my other stories that yes, I will get this done, I can't.

Just can't.

I have no idea what is wrong with me because I used to have all these grand ideas for future chapters and such- but its all gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

Sorry.

This is just to apologize very, very, sincerely to you, my dear readers.

Well that- and to tell you what I'm going to make up for the lack of continuation of this story.

-insert drum roll here-

Alright, I'm going to be re-writing _Bottle up my Chain_. No- no, don't get me wrong. I'm rather very happy with how that story turned out. I just, well, want to do more with it. You see, there is so much I didn't put in, that I want to expand a little. Put in more of that stuff- write a more _mature_ version of BC. Oh, lookie, doesn't that make you happy? But it will be on my freetime outside of the other stories I'm working on. (: Updating it will probably take a while, because I'm going to have to do lots of research on things. What things? You'll have to see. You'll have to see.

I might add a preview to it when I get it posted up. I might, or might not. Depends on my mood.

Once again, I am very sorry. -bows-


End file.
